Last week Derek Jeter hit his 3,000th hit. The milestone came as a home run in the bottom of the 3rd inning against the Senior Retirement Community Rays. The blast was caught by 23 year old Christian Lopez who graciously returned the ball to Jeter. The Yankees graciously offered him tickets for the rest of the season and other goodies. The IRS then graciously pimp slapped him with the threat of a $14,000 tax bill. All of which makes even the most cynical person stop and ask, “How many sentences in a row is he going to use the word graciously?”

Of course no one is talking about the performance enhancing drugs that may have helped Jeter get to this place. No, I’m not talking about steroids or HGH. I’m talking about anti aging creams and botox. How is it possible that Jeter looks the same as he did in his rookie season? The guy DOESN’T AGE! Am I the only one freaked out about this? I’m telling you the truth will come out and he will be consigned to the syringe shaped wing of the Baseball Hall of Fame that will house everyone from the Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds era.

And finally, amidst the Jeter hype, another baseball milestone is quietly going noticed. (Except here of course.) Jim Thome is clinging to the end of his career as a DH in Minnesota. Few people have noticed he is just 4 home runs from 600. Only 7 other players have reached that milestone. 4 of them have the cloud of steroids hanging over them. And though he played in the steroid era, Thome has never been implicated, accused of, or tested positive for steroids. He may have been the only legitimate home run king of his era. So, when he hits #600, I’ll write a post. And nobody will have to shame me into doing it.

Carry on, Citizens!

Carry on, Citizens!

NEWS:  The Air Force One photo op will be a regular feature every Friday at COC.  If you have a photo of Air Force One you would like to submit, please email us.  If we use your picture, we will give you credit and send you a free autographed copy of Kansaska or Trolley Dodgers.

This week’s photo was created by Justin Bessler using a Mac, Photoshop, and grain alchohol. Thanks Justin!

Not to be outdone, Hank Steinbrenner announced that he hired Ninjas to attack adult Boston fans at New Yankee Stadium.  When reporters pointed out that the Boston hawk attacked a child, Steinbrenner replied, “Oh, we haven’t forgotten about the kids. That’s why he hired Sarah Jessica Parker to scare the heck out of any kids wearing Boston gear.”

In related news, sources are reporting that the University of Michigan is training an army of wolverines to invade West Virgina.  A spokesman for the university said, “we’ve taken three of WVU’s head coaches and they’re a little bitter. The wolverines will really give them something to cry about.”

MSNBC announced that if Michigan and West Virginia do go to war, they would devote 24 hour a day coverage to the event since, as they put it, “we’re as tired as the rest of America of Chris Mathews.”

Carry on, Citizens!