Mr. Whipple disappeared from American television decades ago. Folks remember him as the guy who told shoppers, “please don’t squeeze the Charmin.” Have you ever stared at your ceiling on a sleepless night and wondered what happened to Mr. Whipple? Me neither. However, I did happen to stumble upon his name in an article about NASA.
It seems Mr. Whipple has been masquerading as manager for the Hubble Telescope.  This probably explains why it hasn’t worked all that well. For the uninitiated, the Hubble Telescope is the NASA version of Windows …

I am officially calling shenanigans on the Obama Campaign.  I’m asking all baseball fans to unite to defeat the menace that is Barack Obama.  I don’t care about his policies, his associations, or his complete lack of experience. What I do care about, and every American should join me in this, is his willingness to defame an American institution.  Of course, I’m talking about the World Series.
Barack Obama has accumulated more campaign money than any other Presidential candidate in history. It’s obscene enough that this money isn’t going to agencies …

The Rays won the AL East.
Ball State is 4-0 in football.
McCain & Obama are our choices for President.
Brett Favre is a Jet.
The Bills, Titans, and Broncos are undefeated.
Nearly 60,000 people have voted for Jeff to be Emperor instead of McCain/Obama for President.
Carry on, Citizens!

I really thought I was going to miss Al Gore running for President. Over the years he has given so much comedic material to people like me that I thought there would be nothing to write about. However, Obama vs. Clinton got snarky, the DNC flirted with a cat fight, and John McCain throws everybody a curve ball by selecting Palin. Yet, Gore remained the champ for campaign kookiness. Or as George Costanza once said, “please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.”
But moments later in …

As we mentioned a few days ago, we have a huge announcement that will forever change the scene of American politics. A group of Citizens (regular subscribers to COC are called Citizens) have decided they are tired of the Republican and Democratic parties. They’re tired of the same old same old. Tired of “change” candidates who never change anything.
They have decided they no longer want a President. Or a Congress. They want an Emperor. And, they have asked me to be their candidate. After much deliberation, I have decided to …

Several months back, I was walking to the parking garage at Circle Center Mall. I had just finished recording Red Shield Radio (You didn’t think we actually got up that early on Sundays, did you?), and witnessed something that really turned me off.  Obama supporters were registering homeless panhandlers to vote.
Now, I always suspected that a homeless person might have other more pressing needs than let’s say… a voter’s registration card! Call me crazy, but I think food, shelter, health insurance, and a job might just be higher on the …

We have an exclusive announcement for the loyal Citizens!  A major 3rd Party Candidate Announcement will be posted to CarryOnCitizens.com tomorrow.  We’ve scooped all the major networks on this one. Check back tomorrow.  Brian Groce will post a time in the comments section of this post.
Carry on, Citizens!

In a stunning proclamation during his Democratic Convention acceptance speech, Barack Obama promised to end one of America’s greatest injustices. Overlooked by most of the media as they dissect his energy, tax, and foreign policies was a nod to one of the causes I have championed tirelessly for years on this blog. It’s time for the Citizen’s to rejoice, because Obama will overturn the most evil policy faux pas of the previous administration.
That’s right. He’s going to end Interleague play. No longer will fans be subjected to the Reds vs …

They might be pollsters. Or, they might be part of the shadow government. It’s too close to call. Either way, they keep calling me and asking me questions. Things like, “who are you going to vote for?” and “are you going to vote in the primary?”