Archives: James Bond

A Partnership Venture, Russian Collusion, and Powerful Headwear

A Partnership Venture, Russian Collusion, and Powerful Headwear

I’m simply bursting with excitement! Look at the email I just got!
 
Dear Sir
It is with great regards and respect to your personality that i send you this message, I want to suggest to you that I am planning to visit your country and will like to meet you upon arrival for a partnership venture that may interest you. Please indicate your interest by your reply so that will I know how to plan my trip. Thanks and I hope to hearing from you.
Warm Regards
Mr Klovic Diamond
 
Can you believe it? A “partnership venture with Klovic Diamond! I don’t have any idea who he is but with a name like that, he must be important. Of course, he also sounds like a Bond villain. Which means he may have either a henchman bodyguard or a femme fatale assistant. Either way, they’re coming to America and they want me to engage in some sort of “partnership venture.” (For the record, my wife says that if it is indeed a femme fatale assistant that a partnership venture is strictly out of the question. She seems ambivalent to the henchman bodyguard.)
 
I wonder if this has anything to do with the Russian collusion stuff going on. Maybe I will be forced to appear in front of Robert Mueller. If so, I plan to ask him a few questions of my own. Starting with, “Isn’t this whole thing about American jealousy of Russia’s tradition of amazingly powerful headwear?”
 
Carry on, Citizens!
The Lotus Sub Or What I Would Buy If I Had An Extra $1 Million Lying Around.

The Lotus Sub Or What I Would Buy If I Had An Extra $1 Million Lying Around.

Lotus-Sub-2I need to raise somewhere between $500K and $1 Million by September 8th. That’s when the Lotus Sub goes up for auction. What’s the Lotus Sub you ask? It’s only the coolest car EVER! It turns into a mini-submarine with the click of a few buttons.

Not only can it go from land to sea, it can launch rockets at pesky helicopters that are following you. For a demonstration, refer to this video from The Spy Who Loved Me.
You will also notice that both actors were able to change their clothes while in the car. James Bond goes from a brown suit to a blue one in the blink of an eye! Submarine. Rocket Launcher. Light Speed Changing Room. What’s not to love? So, I need to find a way to raise that kind of cash fast. I really want to drive this thing into Geist Reservoir or the White River.

Carry on, Citizens!

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