(Today’s post is a bit of fiction from a project I’m working on AND it’s an entry into the Writer’s Week Contest being held over  at Emily Suess’s blog.)
(Update: I didn’t win the contest, but it was fun to participate. By the way, the opening line was one of the 50 writing prompts you had to choose from for the contest.)
In high school, I got detention for selling homemade condoms. I won’t go into the process of how they were made, but suffice it to say they were made of …

We here at Godzilla’s Citizen Hideout (the Official Home of Carry On, Citizens!) are always looking for ways we can serve the greater good and help our fellow man (and our fellow woman). During today’s staff meeting, my pet moose suggested that I write a dating advice column. Now, I don’t know what’s more preposterous: that he suggested I write a dating column or that you’ve read COC all these years and didn’t know I had a talking moose.

Citizens are impervious to vampires, zombies, and Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Citizens read Carry On, Citizens making them smarter, happier, and better at game shows.
If Godzilla sees a citizen on the street, he will blast them with his atomic breath. If Godzilla sees a Citizen on the street, he most likely will buy them a beer.
Citizens are often followed by cartoon woodland creatures.
Citizens smell like Cinnamon.
Citizens instinctively know how to curse in French.
When a Citizen gets a tattoo, it’s in 3D.
If Jack Bauer were a Citizen, he would only need 23 hours.
Citizens who …

 A friend of mine sent me this picture to blog about. She felt the disturbing nature of the text was well suited to my particular brand of disturbing humor. I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult, but I’m trying to be more of a glass is half full type of guy. So, we’ll go with compliment.
Anyway, in case you can’t enlarge the picture, here is what it says:
Pinto Bean/Hotdog Supper.
Womanless Beauty Contest.
Carolina Travelers
August 27  4 until
Wow, there’s just so much to choose from —I don’t know where …

I was in a department store today with a couple of friends. I’ve always sort of viewed the department store as a flyover venue, sort of like New Yorkers view the Midwest. For me, it was that place you walked through on your way to the other place —the place with the electronics, or the gadgets, or the food court. Anyway, there were three of us on this journey, one being female. The female in our group is anticipating some sort of upcoming ritual that involves a minister, cake, and …