Here’s an excerpt from the upcoming Seven Dead Flamingos that’s perfect for today. Enjoy!
Four Rings of Decreasing Quality
Valentine’s Day had always been a disaster for me.  For normal people, Cupid shoots an arrow that sends the couple on some romantic escapade that they could share with their kids someday.  For me, he set the arrows on fire and sent my relationships down like a Viking funeral.  Think I’m exaggerating?  One Valentine’s Day, I slipped on the ice while opening the car door for my date. When I came to, I …

Contrary to popular opinion, Middle East peace will not be brokered by newly elected President Obama. It won’t come at the hands of Egyptian intermediaries, even though they are negotiating as I type. And it certainly won’t come from a compromise between militant Islam and Jews/Christians.
Peace, I’m predicting will come from Taiwan.  All we have to do is get followers of Han Dan connected to the factions of Islam that are bent on jihad. No brainer. No problem. And how, do you ask, does this solve world peace? Simple: Jihadists …

Jennifer Figge is a fraud. She really didn’t become the first woman to swim the Atlantic.  Turns out, Michael Phelps (with or without the aid of cannibus) couldn’t swim that far that fast. And of course, the AP should have known that, but journalistic standards have dropped lower than Pam Anderson’s neckline at a heavy metal concert.
But, this did get me thinking about people who do this sort of thing and I think I’ve found a shortcut.
Here are some remarkable things I didn’t do:

I didn’t sell 4 billion copies of …

Goth KidsOriginally uploaded by Zozman
I was searching for a new look for the office and it occurred to me that Business Goth really hasn’t taken off in the American workplace. Too bad. I think Goth should be the look of choice of people who hate their jobs. Not that I hate mine, I just don’t have a lot of black apparel and enough singles by The Cure on my iTunes to pull it off.
Of course, there are other business looks that really haven’t taken off either. Such as Business Scott. …

Top ten lists, top 50 lists, top whatever lists are a sure fire way to get people talking. And arguing. And cursing the person who wrote the list.  Get ready to curse, because this list will make you mad.  It’s not my list. I’m just issuing the first curse.  This list belongs to David Halberstam and he has ranked his Top 50 Sports Announcers of All Time.
My first complaint comes in at # 2: John Madden.  Madden? Really?  The guy who says things like, “If the other team has the …

Next Tuesday, Barack Obama will be sworn in as President of the United States.  He will be the first African American President. He will be the first Bi-racial President.  And, in a stunning move by the Supreme Court, he will be the first President to not say, “So Help Me God.”
Atheists have been fighting the inclusion of the phrase “So help me God” for many years.  Challenges to the separation of church and state issue have largely been ignored by the higher courts. Judges have cited reasons ranging from the …

I haven’t been posting very regularly lately. I’ve been a little busy, what with the fundraising and all.  This year’s Christmas campaign was the hardest since I got into this line of work. It was also the most rewarding.
We had a 40% increase in Christmas Assistance applications.  Though many people were frightened by the thought of running out of toys, my staff (who I appreciate more than they know) never doubted we could do it. Neither did I.  And that faith was rewarded. Not only did we manage to serve …

…and probably wouldn’t want to see.

Indiana vs. Purdue.
Indiana State vs. Ball State
Duke vs. Florida International
Idaho vs. Louisiana Monroe
Utah State vs. Northern Illinois

Enjoy the game!
Carry on, Citizens!

“Beauty Will Save the World.” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“So will algae and mold.” ~ Jeff  Stanger
Continental Airlines successfully conducted a test flight with a Boeing 747 powered by biofuel today.  Now, when I think biofuel, I think corn. Or, maybe soybeans. I don’t think algae. You don’t think algae. (You don’t do you?) But, the biofuel mad scientists at Continental thought algae.  They proudly claim they’re the first to try to fly a plane powered by algae. I believe them.
Is this taking the Green movement too far? I’m not sure. Don’t …

Check out Pound Note for some New Year’s Music from U2!  How many of you have already broken a New Year’s Resolution?
Carry on, Citizens!