Baseball has its rituals and traditions. Some are well known -the seventh inning stretch and singing “Take Me Out To the Ballgame.” Less well known is the sacrificing of children to the 19th Century pagan diety Souvenirous.  Scholars disagree on the origin of Souvenirous, but archaeologists have found the earliest signs of Souvenirous worship at digs near Cincinnati. This seems like a logical origin of the cult, as Cincinnati does have the oldest professional baseball team.

When I arrived at work the next day, my editor told me to cover an upcoming protest by the DWARVES (Defenders of Wetlands, Animals, Rainforests, Vegetation, Ecosystems, and Swampland). “Ira, I’m a sports columnist. Why are you giving this to me?”

“Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a
screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you
can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire’s eye or on
the ball.”
~ Jim Murray

I Was Kidding
“When I was a small boy in Kansas, a friend of mine andI went fishing . . . I told him I wanted to be a real MajorLeague Baseball Player, a genuine professional like HonusWagner. My friend said that he’d like to be President of theUnited States. Neither of us got our wish.”~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
I spit Coke all over the microphone. As it shot through my nose, I slammed my cup down, gasped for breath and feebly attempted to compose myself. Jesse held up his left arm, …

PROLOGUE
I remember the day I saw the shooting stars. Darryl and I were twelve. We were playing catch at Roxy’s house. I remember throwing the ball over Darryl’s head and watching it roll into the bushes. The sun was going down behind the trees that lined the back of Roxy’s lot. We walked towards the golden sky to look for the ball. After a few minutes  of looking, we found the baseball and turned our backs to the sunset to continue playing catch. That’s when we saw them. “Make a …