I could have done a 2009 Year In Review post, but that would have required me to actually do research and this is, in fact, a holiday. Besides, I was out until 3am ringing in the New Year with a screening of Inglorious Basterds (“Frankly, watchin’ Donny beat Nazis to death is is the closest we ever get to goin’ to the movies.”~Lt. Aldo Raine). It was an odd way of finishing off 2009, but it was an odd year.
Anyway, as I did in 2008, I wanted to be the …

Looks like McCurry has won its legal battle with McDonald’s. I wonder what the toy is in a Fish Head Curry Happy Meal?
Carry on, Citizens!

A tough economy brings out the ingenuity in Americans. Resourceful unemployed people are starting their own businesses and I reccomend you do too. Look at me, I’ve started my own home based selling driftwood carvings of dead U.S. Presidents. (Howard Taft is our best seller.) 

After 20+ straight days of Health Care Reform and Michael Jackson, I’ve stopped reading the news. Okay, I still read the odd news. It’s one of the few places an American’s can still laugh on a regular basis. And that’s where I found today’s gems.

Fans of the Escape From… movie franchise will be glad to know that Kurt Russell has signed on to play Snake Plissken again in Escape From Detroit.  This time around he will be helping to escort employees of the 4 remaining Starbuck’s out of the city.  They will have to navigate through abandoned grocery stores, a gauntlet of bitter Kwame Kilpatrick supporters, and former Chrysler dealers who have resorted to cannibalism.
Russell was quoted as saying, “I had no plans for doing another Escape From, but I was struck by the …

You’ve probably heard about the recent findings that vitamins C and E don’t prevent prostate or other types of cancer. The vitamin peddling world is reeling from the potential financial fallout and many people who trusted vitamins are left wondering just what can protect them from disease. Well citizens, take heart. For we here at CarryOnCitizens.com have been conducting some of our own research. And, we’re pleased to announce our findings which can be summed up in one word: pudding.
That’s right folks, the Citizens Research Institute (Motto: Manipulating the Data …

How did I miss this when I was doing research for Kansaska?  It appears that Nebraska has an arch villain named the “Butt Bandit.” Tom Larvie of Valentine has been leaving butt prints (among other things) on the windows of stores, churches, and schools since 2007.  He was successful in eluding the police, FBI, and Homeland Security as they have yet to implement a butt print protocol that would protect Americans from such 1st rate hooliganry.
The AP story states that he left the prints with lotion or petroleum jelly. This …

Fashion critic Mr. Blackwell died on Sunday. Family members say he was buried in leather sandals with black dress socks, Bermuda shorts, a white polyester sweater and a dickey. He was 86.
Carry on, Citizens!

Even the blind squirrel finds an acorn once and a while. And today, PETA found their acorn. They may have come up with the most brilliant product marketing idea EVER!  This is beyond big. This is Seth Godin meets Robert H. Brooks meets the Bloomington Vegans!
The idea: PETA wants Ben & Jerry’s to use breast milk instead of cow’s milk in their ice cream!  Why, oh why didn’t they think of this sooner?  They could even cross promote this with Victoria’s Secret.  Just think of the flavor names: Heidi Klum’s …

Stonehenge is back in the news today as UK Archeologists are claiming that it was a center for healing. They came to this earth shattering because, “Bodies recovered near the area An unusual number of skeletons recovered from the area showed signs of serious disease or injury.”  Well, duh!  They’re dead! How much did the British taxpayer chip in for that little nugget?
Of course, I subscribe to theory that Stonehenge is not the mystical site of Druid worship, but rather a discarded alien batting cage that subsequent cultures have been …