So tonight I watched the President talk about the debt ceiling. Then John Boehner gave a rebuttal. If someone told me I would have to watch the two of them every night, I would weep openly. Of course, America didn’t have to be subject to this. I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. In 2008, I gave you the outline of my plan to eliminate the National Debt. Rather than listen to me, you put your faith in Democrats and Republicans. Silly voters. So, …

That’s right, you read the headline correctly. Apparently there is an elicit tap dancing shoe market. Not only does it exist, but it’s an international crisis! North Korea is trying to buy tap dancing shoes on the black market. Undoubtedly this is some sinister plot by Kim Jong-il to enslave hundreds of thousands of children to a lifetime of dinner theatre. Or worse, maybe he intends to create a nation of Uber Tap Dancers that invade the talent shows of the West and inflict dominance one click at a time! I shudder …

…according to me.
Often people ask me, “Jeff, if you had been successful in your bid to become Emperor, how would you have spent the stimulus money.” And, I answer, “Are you kidding? There wouldn’t have been a need for a stimulus! I would be Emperor!”
But, let’s just suppose for a second, I was President of the United States and let’s suppose there was a stimulus during my administration. How would I have handled it differently? First, you would know exactly how I was going to spend it. No vague promises. …

It’s all about the money folks. If you’re an Obama hater, you have something to look forward to. If you’re an Obama supporter, enjoy the ride while it lasts and take heart that I’m sure he will anoint a successor. So, why is the “One” going to be One and Done?  Simple: Obama isn’t prospering under the Obama Administration.
Believe it or not, Obama is already missing the days of George Bush.  Okay, maybe you and I didn’t prosper under GWB, but he sure did. In Bill Clinton’s last year in …

America is in decline. It’s not because of the economy. It’s not because of health care reform. And it’s not because of our current or former President. It’s because we’ve abandoned hats.
No, I’m not talking baseball hats. Americans still wear baseball style hats, but Hip Hop has sort of killed the nostalgic cool factor. I am referring to the power hats that used to define world leaders. Hats like this:
Do you think Kaiser Wilhelm would have made Kaiser without a hat like this? Of course not! This hat SCREAMS head …

He may be the new Leader of the Free World. He may be the “change” candidate. He may be the first black President. But Obama will always be an inferior world leader until he gets one of these. Some people judge their leaders by policies, fiscal responsibility, or the ability establish consensus. I judge them on headwear. And judging by the link above, King Adulyadej of Thailand has to be the most powerful leader of them all. I’ve got to get one of those!
Carry on, Citizens!

The Chinese government blasted the new Guns N Roses album, calling it “an attack on the Chinese nation” according to the AP. Gee, I thought it was just an attack on the ears. Axl, really?  It took you 14 years to release that mess? Luckily, I was able to preview it without buying it. If I had purchased it, I would have taped over the hole and used it as a coaster.
I haven’t been this disappointed in an album since Van Halen III. Industry experts say that Chinese Democracy by …

Dear Applicant:
Thank you for your recent application for credit from the United States of America. Your request for a loan was carefully considered, and we regret that we are unable to approve your application at this time, for the following reasons:
Your Income:
___x___ is below our minimum requirement.
___x___ is insufficient to sustain payments on the amount of credit requested
___x___ could not be verified.
Your Corporate Management:
___x___ is filled with greedy tools who have contributed to the demise of our economy.
___x___ couldn’t be trusted to run a roadside fruit stand.
Your Credit History:
______ of …

I’m surprised that the 2 campaigns have done so well in online fundraising, yet still don’t quite get the concept of permission marketing. (See Seth Godin for more info on this concept.)
Baseball fans have to endure interruption marketing between innings. But, they expect to see beer commercials and promos for the latest shows on Fox. They tolerate it in exchange for a free couch seat for the Fall Classic.
What they don’t expect, and thus haven’t given permission, is to endure campaign commercials. Even worse, Obama is going to delay game …

I am officially calling shenanigans on the Obama Campaign.  I’m asking all baseball fans to unite to defeat the menace that is Barack Obama.  I don’t care about his policies, his associations, or his complete lack of experience. What I do care about, and every American should join me in this, is his willingness to defame an American institution.  Of course, I’m talking about the World Series.
Barack Obama has accumulated more campaign money than any other Presidential candidate in history. It’s obscene enough that this money isn’t going to agencies …