The village idiot formerly known as Chad Johnson learned it’s going to cost a whole lot of dinero to see Ocho Cinco on the back of a jersey. Seems Reebok (rightfully so) didn’t feel it should eat the cost of removing the Chad Johnson jerseys from stores across the country. I’m glad Reebok is standing up to the Ocho and the NFL. Reebok gives the NFL and its players a reasonable deadline for making changes each year and Mr. Cinco missed it.  As a follow up to a previous post, I’m still waiting on a Photoshopped picture of Ocho’s jersey with a pink number 8 on it.

Carry on, Citizens!

The Real NFL season starts this week and what better way to kick off the season than to talk Bengals controversy.  It seems the spoiled little girl masquerading as a wide receiver known as Chad Johnson will no longer be known as Chad Johnson. He officially changed his name to Ocho Cinco.

As much as a pain in the butt he has been to the Bengals front office, if I were their GM I would have immediately changed his jersey number. He whined all summer, demanding a trade. Whined some more when he didn’t get one, then showed up to training camp late. Yes, I would change his number to eight. And, I would make the eight pink, just so fans can constantly be reminded of Ocho’s inner eight year old. Of course, he does that pretty well himself.

Carry on, Citizens!

Congrats to Indianapolis Colts, Super Bowl XLI Champions!!

I know I promised to post the email address of the foul mouthed little punk who posted his Chicago Bears rant a few days ago. Apparently he made up the email address he submitted, because I tried to fire one off to him and it bounced back.

So, I thought I would let the rest of you post your responses here. Of course, I get the first shot:

Dear Gordonsrock:
Nice call on the Super Bowl. Next time you come into my blog talking smack, you had better make sure your little girls up in Chicago can back it up. Hope you spent as much time in the mud after the loss as Rex did in the second half. Hang your Urlacher jersey back in the closet with your Jim McMahon headband and take the Bob Avellini autographed 8 x 10 off your fridge. Your mom is tired of looking at it.

Sincerely,
Jeffreaux

Carry on, Citizens!

-Miami The Society to Prevent All Things Marginally Offensive (SPATMO) has successfully won their injunction against the state of Indiana, Indianapolis, and specifically the Indianapolis Colts. Just nine years shy of turning 200, the state will be required to change its name to Native Americana. The capital city will be renamed Native Americanapolis. And, of great concern to the NFL and its vendors, the Colts will hereby be named The Native Americanapolis Colts.

The fallout from the decision has stretched from northern Indiana–errr Native American to Miami. A distraught Peyton Manning said, “Native Ameria what? How the heck do I pronounce that in a commercial? My endorsement days are over!”

Taking it particularly hard was Reebok Licensed Apparel plant manager John Foreman. The Native Americanopolis based factory had produced thousands of Colts Super Bowl Championship t-shirts in anticipation of a Colts win. “Foreman ended his life after hearing of the court’s decision,” said a company spokesman. “He looked out upon the sea of “Indianapolis” merchandise produced this past week and took his life in the only way he could, given the circumstances. He ripped off his shirt, laid on the platen, and let the automated printer impress “Indianapolis Colts, Super Bowl Champs” on his bare chest. Then he jumped on the dryer belt and road through the industrial dryer.”

SPATMO has been joined at the Super Bowl for a week-long protest of the NFL by PETA, NAMBLA, and the SPCA. PETA is particularly annoyed by the animal names used by sports teams. Peta spokesperson Maple Davis issued the following statement:

“PETA is here to protest the using of animal names for team nicknames. Consider the poor Cardinal. Our research has show that self esteem in Cardinals throughout the country is at an all time low. Knowing that the Arizona Cardinals are the laughing stock of the NFL has caused depression levels in real Cardinals that haven’t been seen in this country since Stan Musial retired. Unless you want to see Cardinals on Prozac, you had better rename Arizona. And do I even need to talk about the Lions? Matt Millen has single handedly caused suicide rates among captive zoo lions to increase 400% during his tenure. PETA estimates that if he finishes his contract, lions will be extinct by 2011!”

A SPATMO spokesman views the victory as only the beginning. “We plan to join PETA in the fight to rename the animal team names. We feel the name Native Americana Youthful Equus Caballuses of Indeterminate Gender, Orientation, Religion, and Shoe Size is more politically correct.”

Reebok countered by saying that if SPATMO was successful, they would close North American operations, move to Australia and sell Aussie Rules Football gear.

Enjoy the Super Bowl and cheer on the Native Americanapolis Equ– oh, screw SPATMO!

GO COLTS!

Carry on, Citizens!

Let’s hope the Colts last longer after winning the Super Bowl than Barbaro did after winning the Kentucky Derby. I would hate to see this team implode after a few agents decide a Super Bowl Ring suddenly entitles their clients to new contracts. (See the ’90’s Dallas Cowboys for more info)

Dick Vitale continues to lobby for Indiana University to name the basketball arena after former coach Bob Knight. It’s bad enough when he’s calling an IU game, but I’m sick of hearing it during ACC, SEC, Big 12 and other games Dick calls. Dick, a university is NOT going to honor a guy that just sued it. I don’t care how many games or championships he has won. Get over it.

I’m sure when Knight retires there will eventually be some sort of recognition of his accomplishments. Until then, let it go, Vitale.

Trivia Question: I don’t know the answer to this, I just want to know if someone else does… Indiana has 3 former head coaches in the Basketball Hall of Fame: Everett Dean, Branch McCracken, and Bob Knight. Does any other school have 3 or more coaches?

Carry on, Citizens!