And there has been no bigger drama queen lately than Stephon Marbury. Marbury’s behavior has him banned from the team! That’s right, the Knicks are actually paying him to stay away from practices and teammates.

And that of course, is where I come in. According to the AP, the Knicks are paying Marbury $20,840,625 this year to not play. Donnie Walsh, if you’re listening, I will take a mere $500,000 not to play for the Knicks this year. In fact, I’ll agree not to do anything this year for $500,000! That is a savings to the Knicks of over twenty million dollars! Think of what you could do with an extra $20,340,625, Donnie. You could save up for LeBron James when he becomes a free agent. You could redesign the Knicks uniforms. You could give every season ticket holder a DVD highlight video of the franchise’s glory years. You could even sign a couple of free agent non players and have a whole team of people NOT playing for the Knicks. The possibilities are endless.

So, Donnie Walsh, you know where to find me. My agent is even waving his fee on this one. Please consider my offer to not play for the Knicks for $500,000.  You will find it will be money well spent.

Carry on, Citizens!

Although the NBA doesn’t have the monopoly on weak nicknames (yeah, I’m looking at you TB Lightning), they do seem to have more than their fair share. Consider the Lakers, who should have left the name in Minneapolis when the franchise moved. Plenty of lakes in Minnesota, not so much in Southern California. In fact, a more apt name for L.A. would have been Puddles of Urine. Have you been to Hollywood Blvd?

Staying in the Western Conference, we have the Utah Jazz. I’m just glad Louis Armstrong wasn’t alive to see this abomination. Utah is to Jazz what Paris Hilton is to abstinence. The west also has the Golden State Warriors. Their marketing strategy went something like this…  if we call the franchise Golden State, maybe people won’t realize they’re in Oakland. Sorry guys, we saw through P.J. Carlesimo too.

Over in the East, things aren’t much better. Let’s see we have the Magic (shameless Disney suckup), the Heat (lazy, obvious, and silly), and the Wizards (wiccans were the only people happy about this name change). The Raptors are in the East too, which was came about during the Jurrasic Park dinasaur craze. I’m sure at the time they thought it was cool, but now the logo just looks like Barney’s delinquent little brother.

Finally, I don’t like the new team’s logo and colors either. They are too much like the Charlotte Bobcats. Again, no originality from the overpaid marketing firm. Don’t worry, it’s still not the worst logo design job ever. That honor goes to my alma mater: Indiana University. It’s not that I dislike the logo, it’s the price tab. IU’s previous A.D. paid $250,000 to go from this to this. Get rid of the drop shadow, change the font, change the color. Here’s an invoice for a quarter million dollars. It’s good work if you can get it.

Carry on, Citizens!