Now that the Olympics are in full swing, it’s time to reflect on all the “sports” that do and don’t get included. Curiously, perfectly normal sports like football and baseball are out. Yet, the Winter Olympics will give us something called “luge.” Luge looks a lot like high speed sledding to me. I’m not sure why they had to give it a name that seems to be a derivative of phlegm. But, I wasn’t consulted.
The Olympics also have a sport called “curling.” Curling was invented by 2 Canadian third shift …

As we countdown to kickoff of the Colts/Saints Super Bowl, I thought this might be a good time to reflect on those great moments in Super Bowl History. I’m not talking about touchdowns or interceptions or any of that stuff. I’m referring to the great moments that we all share while watching the game. And believe me, there are many more great moments watching the game. It’s a simple mathematical reality. There are only about 100 guys with uniforms on who could conceivably play but there are over 100 million …

I could have done a 2009 Year In Review post, but that would have required me to actually do research and this is, in fact, a holiday. Besides, I was out until 3am ringing in the New Year with a screening of Inglorious Basterds (“Frankly, watchin’ Donny beat Nazis to death is is the closest we ever get to goin’ to the movies.”~Lt. Aldo Raine). It was an odd way of finishing off 2009, but it was an odd year.
Anyway, as I did in 2008, I wanted to be the …

Drastic times call for drastic measures. And apparently, it calls for stealing urine. It seems pee is a hot commodity in Utah. Thieves broke into the Bear River Health Dept. in Logan, Utah and stole 17 urine samples. That’s it. Nothing else. They just took the pee.
There are so many questions swirling down the toilet of my brain right now. Why steal something you can pretty much make anytime during the day? How much does pee fetch on the black market? What does one do with stolen pee?
I hope the …

It’s all about the money folks. If you’re an Obama hater, you have something to look forward to. If you’re an Obama supporter, enjoy the ride while it lasts and take heart that I’m sure he will anoint a successor. So, why is the “One” going to be One and Done?  Simple: Obama isn’t prospering under the Obama Administration.
Believe it or not, Obama is already missing the days of George Bush.  Okay, maybe you and I didn’t prosper under GWB, but he sure did. In Bill Clinton’s last year in …

Experts were stunned today when the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction went to Jeff Stanger for a novel that has yet to be released. “We just know this is going to be a stellar novel,” said Pulitzer officials. “He’s given us all hope that real change has come to the world of fiction. We believe that his next book will move us beyond the tired old world of Grisham, Rowling, and those ridiculous vampire books. The world is ready for novels that expose the plight of the Brooklyn Dodgers Liberation Front. …

Occasionally, I get a comment or question that needs more than just a quick response. Yesterday, just such a comment came from Outstanding Citizen Mark. Mark wrote the following:
Hello,
Weird request – do you have the lyrics to the last part of “Fanny Shake Polka” – I could never quite get what he sings after, “I took my Fanny to the airport, to give her a thrill. She knew the pilot(?) ???? and(?) ????, -the part’s going still-(?)… When you..???”
Any help appreciated, this has been driving me nuts for about 30 years.
Thanks,
-Mark

It’s the 6th annual Apple Fest.  Live music, food, prizes and more!
Carry on, Citizens!

Dear American Citizen,
Thank you for visiting your Government approved health care provider last summer. We’re pleased to announce that after much deliberation, our panel of experts has determined you may have contracted one of the following afflictions:
a) Lou Gehrig’s disease
b) Male pattern baldness
c) Coulrophobia
d) Mopery

I went to the Colts/Vikings game Friday night. It was my first game inside Lucas Oil Stadium, and I was lucky enough to be in a suite (Deluxe!).  It was a great time, but I couldn’t help but think of some ways that preseason football could be better, yeah Roger Goodell, I’m looking at you. So, Roger here are some ideas we would like you to implement next year.
1) Teams must run the Wishbone every third down.
2) No punts and no field goals. Teams must go for it on fourth …