Nature (and apparently college football) abhors a vaccum. And a vaccum is exactly what the BCS Committee created yesterday when they vacated USC’s 2004 Championship. However, being the civic minded person that I am, I’ve declared a new BCS Champion for 2004. Somebody beat Oklahoma, right?

That’s right, you read the headline correctly. Apparently there is an elicit tap dancing shoe market. Not only does it exist, but it’s an international crisis! North Korea is trying to buy tap dancing shoes on the black market. Undoubtedly this is some sinister plot by Kim Jong-il to enslave hundreds of thousands of children to a lifetime of dinner theatre. Or worse, maybe he intends to create a nation of Uber Tap Dancers that invade the talent shows of the West and inflict dominance one click at a time! I shudder …

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I got an email from Target today. They appear to be really hurting for beauty expertise, because the subject line reads: “Share your beauty tips for a chance to win sweet swag!” Hmm… what do you think would cause Target to attempt to bribe me to share my beauty tips? Should I cave in with simple swag, or should I hold out for money? More importantly, do I even have any beauty tips?

ESPN is going to roll out another 30 for 30 Documentary this Sunday night. The subject will be Michigan’s Fab 5. Since the Wolverine’s were big rivals of my Indiana Hoosiers, I had zero love for the Fab 5. In fact, I used to have a picture of Devo posted at work with the caption “The Real Fab 5.”
Who was the greater Fab 5? Let’s compare:

If you’ve read this blog with any regularity, you know my brain is a little… how shall I put this… off. As such, strange things pop into my head and I feel compelled to explore them. Tonight being no exception, I wondered what it would be like to have to market classic works of literature via twitter. It would be a little challenging because you only have 140 characters. You have to get right to the point.

According to Wikipedia (and they’re never wrong), the average U.S. male lives to age 78. That’s freakin’ me out! I’ve already lived over half my life and I HAVE NEVER ATTENDED A WORLD SERIES! Of course, I’ve never had the opportunity to see IU play in the Rose Bowl either. Guess which is more likely to happen.

Uncle Leo passed away this week. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, you remember his signature line “Hello!” Nobody got more mileage out of a simple greeting than Len Lesser, the actor that played Uncle Leo. Although he only appeared in 15 episodes, he was a fan favorite.
I viewed Uncle Leo/Len Lesser as sort of a hero.  He appeared in 167 movies and TV shows. And he did so while being… ummm how do I say this… significantly less than handsome.

It’s here! Icemageddon is upon us. The stores are being raided by terrified Midwesterners as the “Catastrophic” Storm of the Century approaches Indiana. I’m ready. I’ve got Pez.

Have you ever noticed that romantic comedies are never set in Iran? Have you ever seen a chic flick set in the Mashhad or Tehran? Of course not! Why, do you reckon that’s the case? It’s because Iran hates Valentine’s Day! And when I say hate, I mean officials actually banned Valentine’s Day in Iran!
Now I’m sure there’s an exec at Hallmark thinking, “Hey, it’s no big deal. Iran isn’t a big greeting card market anyway.”  But, I am deeply troubled by this! Over 70% of the Iranian population is under 30! …

There’s a holiday tradition that frightens me. It’s the drinking of Egg Nog. Humans weren’t meant to drink a liquid called Nog. Nog should be something that you keep in your garage. It should only come out for sealing your driveway or filling in the gaps in your bathroom tile. Nog has no business at a Christmas party commiserating with the cookies and other deserts.
The history of Nog dates back to the early pioneer days in America. It …