Have you ever wondered why people say some of the phrases or idioms they use? (How many of you haven’t used the word idiom since high school?) I just saw a headline that said Cindy Crawford’s daughter looks like the spitting image of her. I’ve played a lot of baseball and softball in my life. In case you didn’t know, there’s a lot of spitting in baseball. I can’t for the life of me ever remember spitting on the floor of a dugout and thinking, “that looks exactly like a supermodel. And her daughter!”
Do you sing along at concerts? Do you sing in the shower? What about at baseball games?
I was at one of the Concert on the Prairie events last year and some famous opera singer was performing (along with several others performers that night). I don’t remember the song, but the guy behind me starting singing along. He was so much louder than the performer (from where we were sitting) that he was almost drowning her out. I texted my friends who were with me and asked if this was a sing-a-long show. I hadn’t been to one of these gigs and I confess little experience with opera in general. I was pretty sure, however, in all my experience watching movies and television and some field trip I took in school, that opera was not an audience participation type show.
BoDeans, Rolling Stones, Tom Petty… sing your heart out. Opera, not so much.
Somewhat related is singing at baseball games. I think everybody should chime in on Take Me Out to the Ballgame during the 7th inning stretch. However, I did get into a big argument once over the National Anthem (not at an actual game, mind you). I believe that when there is a specific singer brought in to sing the anthem, it’s polite to listen and not sing along. When it’s just instrumental or played as a recording, it’s okay to sing along. My friend vehemently disagreed and said, “it’s my right to sing along no matter who the performer is.” I don’t go to games with that friend anymore. He’s got a terrible singing voice.
For the record, I don’t sing in the shower. But I do, sometimes, write my blog in the shower. (tweet this)
Carry on, Citizens!
Get Book Updates and members only FREEBIES! Sign up below:
You’ve heard the saying, “Heavy is the head the wears the crown.” I’ve decided that this is a misprint of history. That phrase was coined long before spellcheck. It was meant to read, numb is the head that wears the crown. And the writer wasn’t talking about royalty. He was talking about dentistry.
I had a crown replaced today, and my head is quite numb. And heavy. But mostly numb. I could blame my wife, but she didn’t actually give me the shot. She did however, suggest that I go to the dentist, who in turn discovered the problem. Dentists discover problems. That’s why I like to avoid them. Problems tend to involve drilling and/or anesthesia. And they involve x-rays, and molds, and a variety of things being shoved into your mouth —none of which taste like buffalo wings. If a dentist learned how to make tools and molds and all the other stuff they shove into your mouth taste like buffalo wings (preferably Buffalouie’s from Bloomington, IN) then I would go to the dentist once a week and he could find all the problems he wants.
Since I’ve been home, my dog, sensing that my wife will send me on another errand that involves drilling and/or anesthesia, has planted himself on top of me. It’s making it hard for me to type, because his body is literally across my arms. But such are the arms that are attached to the body that are attached to the head that wears the crown (on it’s it tooth). He’s been there so long, my arms are going numb. Just like my head. So, numb are the arms that write the blog.
Carry on, Citizens!
They’re coming to my home town! The America’s Got Talent people are coming to Indianapolis to see who has talent. There is only one problem: I don’t have talent. I can’t sing. Or dance. Or play an instrument. But then again, aren’t those the things the judges are expecting people to do? If I am going to win this contest I need to think outside the box. Or perform inside a box. I’m not sure which, but I’m pretty sure there is a box involved.
So, after considering my options, I’ve come up with the following possibilities. Let me know what you think will be my best option.
- Jarts. If you don’t know what Jarts are, you were probably raised in the era when nobody rode a bike without a helmet and everyone got a trophy for participating. When I was a kid, we had the awesome game of jarts (also called lawn darts). Jarts were played by throwing the jart (javelin dart) at a plastic hoop. Of course there were rules, but we made up our own. We even threw them over the house just to make it interesting. Of course, playing the game came with the risk of being impaired by a wanton jart. Thus, they were outlawed, and that’s just sad. Kids need to be impaled by the wanton dart occasionally. It teaches them that life is filled with random dangers, often at the hand of people who make bad judgements. Anyway, I’m thinking of doing my jarts tricks for the competition. If you come to the audition, don’t sit in the 1st few rows.
- Interpretive Dance. I know I said that I couldn’t dance, but I’ve seen several instances of interpretive dance and I’m pretty sure there is a lot of leeway here. I’m thinking of performing the Grapes of Wrath or the final episode of Alf.
- Beat poetry. I’ve been wanting to try this ever since I saw So, I Married An Axe Murderer. I don’t have a black turtleneck, but I’m sure I can find one before the auditions. I may have to grow a funkier goatee.
- The Wearing of Hats. I’m not sure anyone has gone on stage and actually tried to wear a variety of hats. No dancing, singing, music or any other distractions. Just wearing hats. I’m thinking of rolling out a box of 2o and just putting them on and taking them off. I think it will be so weird they will think I’m the second coming of Andy Warhol and just declare me the winner.
So, there they are —my ideas to win on America’s Got Talent. Let me know if you think I’m on to something. Or on something.
Carry on, Citizens!