For too many years (37), the sports of the carnival worker have been ignored by the Olympic Committee. We think that’s a shame, because skee ball would make a fantastic addition to the Winter Olympics.
Skee Ball has been around since 1909. It was invented by J.D. Estes of Philadelphia as way to get his kids to clean up their rooms. They would throw their toys in the holes and earn points. If they earned enough points, Estes would buy them new toys, as the tossing them into the skee ball …

Now that the Olympics are in full swing, it’s time to reflect on all the “sports” that do and don’t get included. Curiously, perfectly normal sports like football and baseball are out. Yet, the Winter Olympics will give us something called “luge.” Luge looks a lot like high speed sledding to me. I’m not sure why they had to give it a name that seems to be a derivative of phlegm. But, I wasn’t consulted.
The Olympics also have a sport called “curling.” Curling was invented by 2 Canadian third shift …

As we countdown to kickoff of the Colts/Saints Super Bowl, I thought this might be a good time to reflect on those great moments in Super Bowl History. I’m not talking about touchdowns or interceptions or any of that stuff. I’m referring to the great moments that we all share while watching the game. And believe me, there are many more great moments watching the game. It’s a simple mathematical reality. There are only about 100 guys with uniforms on who could conceivably play but there are over 100 million …

I could have done a 2009 Year In Review post, but that would have required me to actually do research and this is, in fact, a holiday. Besides, I was out until 3am ringing in the New Year with a screening of Inglorious Basterds (“Frankly, watchin’ Donny beat Nazis to death is is the closest we ever get to goin’ to the movies.”~Lt. Aldo Raine). It was an odd way of finishing off 2009, but it was an odd year.
Anyway, as I did in 2008, I wanted to be the …

Drastic times call for drastic measures. And apparently, it calls for stealing urine. It seems pee is a hot commodity in Utah. Thieves broke into the Bear River Health Dept. in Logan, Utah and stole 17 urine samples. That’s it. Nothing else. They just took the pee.
There are so many questions swirling down the toilet of my brain right now. Why steal something you can pretty much make anytime during the day? How much does pee fetch on the black market? What does one do with stolen pee?
I hope the …

… when you’re under the influence of cold medicine.

I have a solution to the global warming debate. Let’s stop fighting over whether or not it’s real, and start doing all we can to turn the entire world into the climate of San Diego.
The NFL Today “experts” predicted 2 weeks ago that Indianapolis would not make the Super Bowl. 2 of them predicted that Pittsburgh would. The Colts are 12-0 and the Steelers are 6-6 and have lost 4 in a row. Dear CBS, you could pay me 25% of what …

I was at a gathering a few weeks back and my friend Jaimie shared a story with our table. As she weaved the tale, she tried to explain the relationship of a certain person to the main character of the story. The relationship: it was the baby daddy’s mama’s lesbian girlfriend. I have no idea how the story ended. For all I know, the baby daddy found a golden raisin in a scone he bought at Starbucks and was able to send his mother and her partner to Massachusetts to …

It’s all about the money folks. If you’re an Obama hater, you have something to look forward to. If you’re an Obama supporter, enjoy the ride while it lasts and take heart that I’m sure he will anoint a successor. So, why is the “One” going to be One and Done?  Simple: Obama isn’t prospering under the Obama Administration.
Believe it or not, Obama is already missing the days of George Bush.  Okay, maybe you and I didn’t prosper under GWB, but he sure did. In Bill Clinton’s last year in …

Experts were stunned today when the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction went to Jeff Stanger for a novel that has yet to be released. “We just know this is going to be a stellar novel,” said Pulitzer officials. “He’s given us all hope that real change has come to the world of fiction. We believe that his next book will move us beyond the tired old world of Grisham, Rowling, and those ridiculous vampire books. The world is ready for novels that expose the plight of the Brooklyn Dodgers Liberation Front. …

Occasionally, I get a comment or question that needs more than just a quick response. Yesterday, just such a comment came from Outstanding Citizen Mark. Mark wrote the following:
Hello,
Weird request – do you have the lyrics to the last part of “Fanny Shake Polka” – I could never quite get what he sings after, “I took my Fanny to the airport, to give her a thrill. She knew the pilot(?) ???? and(?) ????, -the part’s going still-(?)… When you..???”
Any help appreciated, this has been driving me nuts for about 30 years.
Thanks,
-Mark