There is a lot of anti-American sentiment going around these days. Folks are losing their belief in our country. We need a shot of patriotism. We need a prescription of pride. We need an enema of enthusiasm! We need JEFF’S TOP 5 REASONS WHY AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!
President’s Day? We used to celebrate holidays for Washington and Lincoln. But someone at the Bureau Of Days Off decided we were making too big a fuss over them and decided to create “President’s Day.” The upside of this is now you can choose to celebrate the administration of anyone you choose.
This was an actual headline today on Yahoo News:
“Disney Asks Judge to Throw Out Pooh Suit”
The comic value of such a headline can not be overstated.
Some random thoughts come to mind:
New from Hugo Boss: The Pooh Suit
Why can’t Disney throw out its own Pooh?
In what year of law school is the throwing of Pooh covered?
Could one throw the Pooh out in the street without being cited by the police?
Would the judge actually do it or does the bailiff throw the Pooh?
Feel free to add your own?
Carry on, Citizens!
I am a citizen of Mars. And, quite frankly, I?m very perturbed at the government of the United States. It all started a couple of weeks ago, when they crashed a vehicle on my property. Without a word of apology or a nod to my insurance agent, they plop a space vehicle right in the middle of my Bovinallama grazing pasture. A Bovinallama, in case you don?t know, is a cross between what earthlings call the cow and llama.
As if that wasn’t enough, out of this hunk of metal rolls a remote control car. I’m not sure who’s controlling it, but they can’t drive worth *&%$. It drove right over my cable, right in the middle of a GLB (Galaxy League Baseball) game. (We don?t have to bury them on Mars because it’s so sparsely populated.) The Saturn Rings had two guys on with two outs in the bottom of the ninth!
If my spaceship, The Martian Maggot, wasn’t in the shop I would be on my way to Earth to ?open up a can.? Instead, I’m going to blow up the earth with my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, since the Earth blocks my view of Venus. Oh, and I?m keeping the remote control car.
Carry on, Citizens!