Archives: Citizen Thoughts

Regarding Regards

Regarding Regards

Someone sent met their warmest regards today. Do you realize what that means? Those regards can’t be any warmer! If they were, they would be hot regards. And you know that hot regards wouldn’t be appropriate in a business setting. I think we’ve all seen what sending your hottest regards can lead to in Hollywood, Government, the Today Show…

But these were warmest regards. The best regards you can get and not wind up on TMZ. It made me wonder if this person has ever sent lesser regards. Or do they just toss out their warmest regards willy-nilly? If I hadn’t been so helpful, would I have received just “regards” —the room temperature of regards? Maybe not.

I wonder if this person has ever sent cold regards? Or their “chilliest regards?” Can you imagine getting someone’s “chilliest regards?” I think I’m going to write my Congress Mammal and sign it with my chilliest regards. She hasn’t done a whole lot to impress me. But what if that woke her up? What if she read that and thought, “chilliest regards? That can’t be good. That kind of thing could spread and I would have to leave Washington DC and do something with my life. No, this won’t do. I better do something to impress that Stanger guy in my district. I know, I’ll introduce a bill to make Opening Day of baseball season a National Holiday. That would sure warm up his regards!”

And that’s how you get results people! So send out some chilliest regards to those who deserve it. And some warm ones to those who have earned it as well.

Carry on, Citizens!

The Hotel West Virginia (Pain it Forward)

The Hotel West Virginia (Pain it Forward)

You’ve heard the phrase “pay it forward?” This isn’t one of those stories. This is “pain it forward” story. Maybe after you read it, you can relate.

So, I’m checking into a hotel in Morgantown, West Virginia. After the usual presenting of the identification, dispensing of the keys, and whatnot, the person helping stepped from behind the counter to point out the elevator and amenities. When she got to the fitness facilities, things went off the rails. She went from “the elevators are over there to the left,” to saying, “and if you’re interested,” paused, glanced me up and down, “we have a fitness center.”

She didn’t even bother to tell me where it was! She was so sure I wouldn’t get anywhere near there, that she skipped the directions. Now, of course, I wasn’t planning to go, but she didn’t know that. And yes, I’m out of shape. But for all she knew, I could have been halfway to some spectacular weight loss goal (I’m not).

Now what honked me off even more was there was a woman in line next to me who got a completely different treatment. She looked like a fitness model. She was even wearing fitness apparel! The guy helping her practically offered to escort to the gym, hold the towel, and punch the buttons on the treadmill for her.

I Bought A Chore

I Bought A Chore

A few nights ago, we made a trip to Lowes. Or maybe it was Home Depot. It’s all a blur. We went to purchase a new lawnmower. Its predecessor had a broken axle and had to be put down. I wanted to shoot it, but apparently, that sort of thing is frowned upon in our community. I even called the police to confirm. They confirmed. Then they asked me a lot of questions. Finally, I asked them if the axle breaking could have been the result of foul play. They suggested I watch too many cop shows and referred me to a therapist.

Updates on Updates

Updates on Updates

Microsoft Office is updating on my computer right now. The dialogue screen says the time remaining is about a minute. It has said that for about 10 minutes now. So, I thought I would write an update on updates. It seems to be the theme today. My OS has needed an updated for a couple of weeks, so I updated it this morning. Then WordPress website told me my plugins needed security updates. Hackers are ever vigilant in their pursuit of my plugins.

I had to take my son’s car into the shop this morning because the system that is supposed to keep oil inside the vehicle’s engine needed an update. No matter how much foul language and cross-eyed threats I threw its way, it still refused to keep its oil to itself. So it’s being updated.

Now iTunes needs an update. iTunes is constantly updating in an effort to “enhance” my listening experience. Yet, they still can’t seem to find the artwork to half my Bodeans albums and they keep trying to sell me music by artists I don’t like. In all the time I’ve had iTunes, I’ve never purchased any Rap or Country music. Ever. For all iTunes’ updates, they still haven’t figured that out.

Our country is in the process of updating its President. Unfortunately, the two main parties have decided that Clinton 2.0 and Trump 1.WTF are the options we are going to have to choose from. Thank God we have Gary Johnson, the Linux of the Presidential candidates. And for once, political Linux is looking pretty damn good to a lot of people.

Now, my email spam folder is filled with all kinds of offers to update things. Just a quick scan of the subject lines tells my I can have my education updated (Get a 1 Year MBA!), my breasts can be updated (Find Breast Augmentation Here!) or my mortgage can be updated (7 New Reverse Mortgage Options!).

On second thought, I think that’s enough updating for one day.

Carry on, Citizens!

 

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