The Real Madness Comes in April

The Real Madness Comes in April

Last year, Americans spent $9 Billion betting on March Madness. (NOTE: The NCAA has informed this blog that we can’t use the phrase “March Madness” (darn, we did it again) unless we purchase a sponsorship for more money than we make in a decade. So, we’re not going to say March Madness again. We promise.)

A lot of people think that American’s waste a lot of money on sports. They think that sports are pointless. Could a lot of that money be used on things like education or research? Sure, but are you certain that research can’t be pointless? Well, if the government is involved it may very well be. Consider that last year your government took the money you sent them in April and wisely invested it in:

  • $387,000 to study the effects robot-provided Swedish massage has on the physical recovery of rabbits after exercise.
  • $856,000 to train three mountain lions to run on a treadmill in order to measure the energy consumption of the cats’ hunting techniques.
  • $171,000 to teach monkeys to gamble in order to determine if monkeys, like humans, believe in the concept of a “hot hand.”
  • $1.97 million in grants to create a new communication network for “fossil enthusiasts and professionals.”

Are you going to tell me that any of those uses of your money are any less ridiculous than picking Villanova to beat Kentucky in the National Championship? Of course not. Especially if your second bracket had Kentucky beating Duke. My point is, left to their own devices, most American’s can do better with their own money than government. Want proof? Last year American’s gave over $300 Billion to charity.

Carry on, Citizens!

by Jeff

Jeff Stanger is an author and fundraising consultant as well as the answer to several obscure trivia questions. He writes for food and occasionally for spite. Google+

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