That’s right, you read the headline correctly. Apparently there is an elicit tap dancing shoe market. Not only does it exist, but it’s an international crisis! North Korea is trying to buy tap dancing shoes on the black market. Undoubtedly this is some sinister plot by Kim Jong-il to enslave hundreds of thousands of children to a lifetime of dinner theatre. Or worse, maybe he intends to create a nation of Uber Tap Dancers that invade the talent shows of the West and inflict dominance one click at a time! I shudder to even think of such a future.

Just this past week an illegal shipment of tap dancing shoes was intercepted at an Italian airport. It’s worse than we thought, Citizens. The Italian Mob is involved in this! Can you imagine the plot of The Godfather 4? The Corleone family has moved from gambling, prostitution, etc. to smuggling tap dancing shoes. Maybe it will be a musical.

According to Reuters

“A U.N. diplomat told Reuters on Tuesday that the seized shipment involved several dozen pairs of tap-dancing shoes. He said that it was not clear how the tap shoes might fit into North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s lavish lifestyle, which includes grandiose stage performances by North Korean performers.”

I love the part of the quote that says “not clear how the tap shoes might fit into his lavish lifestyle.” Now that’s the awesome part of being an evil dictator! You can walk around with a crazy haircut, women’s frames for you glasses, and tap dancing shoes and absolutely NOBODY can say anything about it. Well, not to your face anyway. And that apparently is the preferred get-up of Korea’s leader. Personally, I prefer the traditional apparel of our American elected officials. Although, I do think it would be fun if the Vice-President had to wear tap dancing shoes to work every day.

Carry on, Citizens!