… when you’re under the influence of cold medicine.

1. I have a solution to the global warming debate. Let’s stop fighting over whether or not it’s real, and start doing all we can to turn the entire world into the climate of San Diego.
2. The NFL Today “experts” predicted 2 weeks ago that Indianapolis would not make the Super Bowl. 2 of them predicted that Pittsburgh would. The Colts are 12-0 and the Steelers are 6-6 and have lost 4 in a row. Dear CBS, you could pay me 25% of what your paying your in studio team and I can make equally lousy predictions.
3. The griffin, a mythical creature, is also known as a keythong.
4. Can we move all the Tiger Woods stories to the Golf Channel so I can avoid them altogether?
5. 500,000 men will propose to their girlfriends in between now and Christmas.
6. I’m watching a story on libraries. Why does everything else in the library look up to date except the librarian?
7. I might not have made a better President than Barack Obama, but I would have been much more entertaining.
8. Why is it called phlegm?
9. There is a story on Yahoo about a woman who found a picture of the Virgin Mary in a pancake. I’ve never seen a religious figure in my breakfast food. Come to think of it, I can’t remember seeing anybody in my breakfast food. I saw Don Ameche in a burrito once. But that was brunch.
10. I want a trident.
11. I should probably go back to bed now.

Carry on, Citizens!