I can’t think of anything creative or funny or even remotely interesting to say. Sometimes you stare at the screen and it just stares back. But, I have some tasty excerpts from Kansaska to fall back on.  I hope to start posting sneak peeks from Seven Dead Flamingos very soon!

“Wendy, have you ever heard of Portis?”
“Is that the disease where your skin turns yellow?”
“No, that’s jaundice. Portis is in Kansas.”
“Oh. Do people in Kansas have yellow skin?”
I thought about the question for a moment. “I’m going there very
soon. I’ll let you know,” I answered.

***

By the way, why is the team called the Eskimos?”
“That’s on account of the Oquilluk brothers. They played
outfield for the very first baseball team in Osborne County. ”
“What’s that got to do with Eskimos?”
“They weren’t originally from here, you see. They were from
Alaska. And, they were Eskimos. But they were bad at it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Most Eskimos have a sort of sense about nature, direction,
living off the land and all that. These boys didn’t have none of
that stuff. Took off one winter with their dog sleds to join a seal
hunt, wound up in Kansas.”
“You mean to tell me they drove dog sleds from Alaska
to Kansas?”
“No, the dogs died somewhere in Montana. They claim they
rode buffaloes the rest of the way, but I don’t believe it.”
“And they stayed in Kansas?”
“They weren’t all that sure how to get back.”

***

“I’m Pastor Willoughby, of the First United Church of the
MethoBaptists,” said the tall skinny fellow.
“The first church of what?”
“We’re the First United Church of the MethoBaptists,” he said
proudly. “And when I say first, I really mean first. We’re the first
church in the entire state of Kansas to unite the Baptists with the
Methodists. We might even be the first in the country, although we
haven’t confirmed that.”
Beanie nodded his head to confirm Pastor Willoughby’s
declaration. “Alice Simpson, our beloved organist and church
historian is looking into it as we speak,” the pastor said.
“Well, I hope she comes back with good news,” I answered. “I
know I never heard of such a church.”
Pastor Willoughby looked over his shoulder to the crowd. “I
knew he would be a fine addition to the community.” He turned
back to me, “And what church do you attend, brother?”
“In New York, I attended a Lutheran congregation. We tried to
merge with the Greek Orthodox Church, but we couldn’t agree on
what hats to wear.”

Carry on, Citizens!