How did I miss this when I was doing research for Kansaska?  It appears that Nebraska has an arch villain named the “Butt Bandit.” Tom Larvie of Valentine has been leaving butt prints (among other things) on the windows of stores, churches, and schools since 2007.  He was successful in eluding the police, FBI, and Homeland Security as they have yet to implement a butt print protocol that would protect Americans from such 1st rate hooliganry.

The AP story states that he left the prints with lotion or petroleum jelly. This of course begs the question: How does one select the best butt print delivery system? Does the lady at the Clinique counter know which lotion would leave the best print during the winter months? Would she call security if you ask?

Once again, the AP has left us with too little info. So, please Citizens, help me do the research on this. When you go to the mall on Friday, ask as many sales people you can which lotion will leave the best print. Just don’t call me to bail you out of jail.

Carry on, Citizens!