Tankable Druids?

I saw the most curious google ad today when I was checking gmail. I don’t normally click on the sidebar ads, but this one had me fascinated. I even cut and pasted it for you:

Looking For a Tankable Druid? Join Our Force and Get The Best One
www.vbarrack.com

When I was in college, a tankable druid was a hippie chick that was easy to get drunk. So, you can imagine my surprise when I saw one for sale. How could this be? I had to click and find out what this was all about.

Much to my surprise, vbarrack.com doesn’t sell hippie chicks. Or any kind, for that matter. What they do sell are virtual characters for online Massively Multiplayer Online Games. And apparently, people are REALLY SERIOUS about these games because they charge $639 dollars for a Level 70 Male Night Elf Druid. I’m not sure exactly what a Male Night Elf Druid is, but he must be pretty darn good to fetch that kind of money. I’m guessing he’s like the Peyton Manning of Elf Druids.

According to the people selling Mr. E. Druid, he has guardian and vindicators drops. Those both sound pretty handy. Of course, if I had vindicator drops, I would put them in a squirt gun. Then I would shoot them at people who cut me off in traffic.

Mr. Druid also has Vengeful Gladiator’s Salvation and Vengeful Gladiator’s Reprieve. That all sounds good enough, but just what type of salvation and reprieve is E. Druid handing out?  I mean, these are supposedly the guys who built Stonehenge and some of the triptychs have fallen down. So, how eternal is that salvation?

Under talents, our level 70 druid has feral combat skills. I have no idea what that means and I don’t have the energy to look it up. He also good at enchanting and jewel crafting (which shows he has a softer side). I’m guessing he really didn’t want the sellers to broadcast his artistic side. It takes away from his Vengeful Gladiator image.

They make a big deal out of pointing out that Mr. Druid is transferrable. I’m assuming that is some sort of safety precaution.  It lets you know that he won’t spray you with vindicator drops if you move someplace miserable like North Dakota.

Unfortunately for Vbarrak, I didn’t buy the druid. I wanted to complain about the whole “truth in advertising” issue since I thought I was answering an ad for hippie chicks. But, their main page has something called a Level 70 Male Undead Rogue who has a “Merciless Gladiator Slicer.” That doesn’t sound like it’s used for corned beef, so I’m not saying a word.

Carry on, Citizens!

by Jeff

Jeff Stanger is an author and fundraising consultant as well as the answer to several obscure trivia questions. He writes for food and occasionally for spite. Google+

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