A Dallas Cowboys intern was fired in Dallas this evening, causing an outcry from season ticket holders who wanted the opportunity to beat him into a coma when the season starts. It seems that owner Jerry Jones told the intern he would like Pacman in the stadium. The intern (completely clueless about 80′s video games) sent a series of emails that led to the trade for Pacman Jones today with the Tennessee Titans.

Jerry Jones tried to nullify the trade, claiming he meant this Pacman and not this Pacman. However, Titans ownership was quoted as saying, “We put up with the human crime wave for 3 years. You guys signed the deal, he’s your problem now.” Titans coach Jeff Fisher also added, “You might want to have a bail bondsman on retainer.” FYI-Pacman Jones has been arrested six times and been involved in incidents involving police showing up 12 times since he was drafted in 2005.

Most NFL pundits expected Pacman to wind up playing for the Cincinnati Bengals where that sort of behavior is actually encouraged. A Bengals front office spokesman who refused to be named told me that, “We thought Pacman was a lock. We took him to a strip club and let him beat up an autograph seeker from Dayton. It was the perfect Pacman weekend, we thought.”

Carry on, Citizens!