I’m bored with the 2008 Presidential Campaign. Let’s face it, choosing between Hillary, Obama, and McCain is like picking from the last three kids in gym class to be on your basketball team. You really don’t want to choose, but somebody has to hand you a towel during a time out.

Personally, I want Al Gore to throw his hat in the ring. Notice I DID NOT say I wanted Gore to be President. I don’t! I just want him to run. You see, when Al Gore runs for President, we all win. Al has been running for President off and on since the 80′s. In fact, I had to write a campaign strategy for his 1988 attempt for a Political Science class at IU. I got a B+ for the project and the professor said if he had used my strategy, he might have stayed in the race longer. (He didn’t say Gore would have won, using my plan, but I was happy with the grade.)

Anyway, a Gore campaign is good for the country. For one, he spends lots of money and that’s good for the economy. Secondly, he will undoubtedly find himself in the middle of a controversy (2000) and that keeps Britney Spears and American (Idol) Karaoke off the news for a day or two. Finally (and most importantly), Gore says the most ridiculously crazy stuff. He’s the gift that keeps on giving. Consider these past gems:

(NY Times: 8/12/00) “When my sister and I were growing up,” Mr. Gore told a small audience made up mostly of women, “there was never any doubt in our minds that men and women were equal, if not more so.”

Oct. 25 2000 JACKSON, Tenn. (Reuters) — Criticizing Bush’s Social Security privatization plan at a rally in Tennessee, Gore said, “He is proposing to privatize a big part of Social Security and he’s proposing to take $1 trillion, a million billion dollars out of the Social Security trust fund and give it as a tax incentive to young workers.”
A trillion is one thousand billion, not a million billion.

(Source: Washington Post, Sept. 24 2000) At a Sept. 22 press conference, Gore stated “I’ve been a part of the discussions on the strategic reserve since the days when it was first established.” However, President Ford established the Strategic Petroleum Reserves when he signed the Energy Policy and Conservation Act (EPCA) on December 22, 1975 — two years before Al Gore became a congressman.

Did you ever wonder where the “no, but I stayed in a Holiday Inn last night” campaign came from? Well, you can credit Al Gore for it. Really! Read what he said

(Washington Post, June 14, 2000 Milwaukee, WI – “I’m very familiar with the importance of dairy farming in Wisconsin. I’ve spent the night on a dairy farm here in Wisconsin. If I’m entrusted with the presidency, you’ll have someone who is very familiar with what the Wisconsin dairy industry is all about.”

How can we endure 6 more months of election coverage without Al to delight us with his nonsense? And I didn’t even get into the internet and zebra comments. The fact is, Al makes the election entertaining. Since it’s painfully obvious that Americans would rather be entertained than take politics seriously, give us a candidate that makes us laugh.

I think we need a Constitutional Amendment requiring Al Gore to run for President every election until he dies, or until Cartman is of legal age to run, whichever comes first.

Carry on, Citizens!