Brian Groce is my guest Blogger today. He has some breaking news related to the Kelvin Sampson recruiting scandal at Indiana University. Let me know your thoughts on the subject! Without further ado…

Kelvin Sampson lied to Jeff Stanger about enjoying Trolley Dodgers and looking forward to the release Kansaska.

In a statement released today, Sampson said that he does not “give a (expletive) about Trolley Dodgers, Kansaska, Jeff Stanger, baseball or even all of the (expletive) ‘freaks’ in Bloomington, Indiana.”

Sampson went on to say, “And you people wonder why Coach Knight acted the way he did? If I had to put up with reading this sort of (expletive) put out by Indiana University graduates, not to mention what I’ve seen on Kirkwood Avenue at night, for close to thirty years, you can be guaranteed that I’d do more than throw chairs and occasionally slap or choke someone. Jeff Stanger, Trolley Dodgers and the mere thought of Kansaska being released makes me want to down a fifth of Jack while making some important recruiting calls.”

Jeff Stanger could not be reached for comment, but his publicist stated that “Sampson wouldn’t know a good book if he saw it” and went on to state that she wasn’t “even sure if the man can read”.

You can read the full transcript of Kelvin Sampson’s statement on The Onion.

Carry on, Citizens!