Heather wants to be my friend. At least that’s what MySpace tells me.  So, I log in and click on “Friend Requests.”  There’s Heather. She’s wearing a rather skimpy top and smiling ever so seductively for the camera. At this point, I can approve her request, deny it, or mark her as spam!  I can also click to view our mutual “friends.”

I chose “view our mutual friends.” I must say, I was disappointed. Our only mutual friend was Tom. Tom is everybody’s friend, because MySpace decided that even the most pathetic loser should have a friend name Tom.  Since, Heather and I don’t have any mutual friends, I decide I must do some more investigation before I accept this request for friendship.

Why does Heather want to be my friend? I decide to click on her profile. Maybe her favorite book is Trolley Dodgers. Maybe she’s a faithful reader of my blog. Maybe, she’s a Jeff Stanger groupie!

No such luck. Heather isn’t a Jeff Stanger groupie or an avid blog fan. Trolley Dodgers isn’t her favorite book. As a matter of fact, she lists no interests at all. And she’s a semi-literate perv.  Or, should I say, the porn site operator who created the fake Heather site is a semi-literate perv.

If you have a public MySpace page, you’ve probably received a few friend requests from “Heather” or “Rita” or “Deborah” or any of the other aliases.  I know MySpace tries to police this stuff, but it really gets old after a while.  So, I click the spam option.  Sadly, I haven’t made a new friend.

But, wait there’s hope. A new friend request has arrived. This new friend’s profile name is odd -Live Volvo. I click on it and discover it’s a Volvo commercial, disguised as a hip new MySpace page. Two things become very obvious to me.  Volvo is a Meatball Sundae company.  They think getting some of that “internet” stuff will make them hip, when instead they’ve created an annoying waste of my time. Not any different from the semi-literate perv running the porn site. Oh, and by the way Volvo, I don’t want to be your friend!

Carry on, Citizens!