How Many Dakotas Do We Need?
(This post may be offensive to people who live in certain parts of the country, women who are nursing, people with vertigo, and the makers of Cherry Pez. You have been warned.)
I have decided to sell North Dakota. I really need some quick cash, and a lot of it. I figure the only way it’s going to happen is if Kevin Costner decides to make Trolley Dodgers into a movie, or I sell a superfluous state. I haven’t heard from Kevin (ever), so I’m going with selling North Dakota. Why do I need the money? I would like to buy Belgium.
Belgium is for sale. It was listed on ebay by a man who was discouraged by the government’s apparent inability to move the country forward. I don’t know all the details, but it seems to be a Hatfield/McCoy type feud between the Flemish (pronounced Phlegm-ish) and the Walloons (pronounced with a silly grin).
I think I can do a lot with Belgium. (Theme parks, world’s largest slip and slide, baseball, etc.) I just hope I can get enough money for South Dakota. Maybe I can trade them straight up.
Carry on, Citizens!
About The AuthorJeff Stanger is an author, talk show host, professional fundraiser, and the answer to several obscure trivia questions. He writes for food and occasionally for spite.
I think we may be going to North Dakota for Thanksgiving. I think we’re going to be at some sort of Air Force Base up there. My thinking is that somebody was flying over the frozen tundra up there one late May afternoon and thought “I could probably land this plane ANYWHERE in 100 miles and not hit a tree!” – next thing you know we’ve got giant bombers flying in and out of there (but nobody noticed, because, other than the Air Force, there’s nobody there!).
Negotiate carefully or you may only end up able to afford Sealand (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/01/070118-sealand.html).
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