Winter Olympics Geoff & Jeff style:
(excerpts from a series of emails)

Jeff: I would like to rule out all ?sports? involving Dick Button and the ones where the crowd has to be quiet.

Geoff: Figure skating is definitely an activity. I feel your Dick Button clause is still valid. Also, they have this “death spiral” move where death isn’t even remotely possible. They should refer to it as the “possible cold butt spiral.”

Jeff: For the sake of the children, we need to rule out many of the Winter Olympic ?sports.?

Geoff: Ok, let?s start with snowboarding. Here I refer you to my first criteria of activities…a possible mode of transportation. If something is a mode of transportation it has a purpose. Sports by nature have no inherent purpose. Sports are pointless in the whole scheme of things. It also has no elements of a team involved. There must be teams to be a sport. There is also no defense, which I believe we agreed is a must as well. They also use terms that I don’t even come close to understanding.

Jeff: Luge – really cool, but only one person. Also no defense.

Geoff: Curling – they use brooms. Items from the custodial arts cannot be part of a sport. It also uses a rock.

Jeff: Curling was invented by bored, out of work, single janitors.

Geoff: Cross country skiing – mode of transportation. Also, Norwegians dominate. We just can’t have that.

Jeff: I hear they are also making strides in jacks. They?re the favorite in next year?s Recess Games. (ESPN 2)

Geoff: Speed skating – fun to watch but again a possible mode of transportation.

Jeff: I really like the event where people ski for a while then shoot things. I think they should add the shooting element to the marathon. For example, every 5th mile of the Boston Marathon, let the runners shoot at hot dog vendors and other street merchants. That would be worth watching!!!