Dear Citizens,
It has recently come to my attention that there are millions of out of work Citizens in America. And due to the clever leadership offered by Democrats and Republicans in Washington, this situation does not appear to be changing anytime soon. If fact, it we may never see leadership out of Democrats and Republicans. But, the job situation is about to change. Sort of.

Who are the most optimistic fans in the world? Cubs fans? They do seem to hang in there year after year, despite not winning a championship in 102 years.  To put that into perspective, the following did not exist the last time the Cubs won: the NFL, the NBA, Al Gore, the Internet, television, and iTunes (the Rolling Stones, however, did exist.).

Every Thursday, I head downtown to record Red Shield Radio (You didn’t really think I got up at 5:00 AM on Sundays did you?) We usually park in the mall lot and cut through Carson’s to get to the Circle.  Recently, Kristen and I (Mike was out that week) were walking behind a couple of twenty something women. One made the observation to her friend, “I smell like whore today.”
Now, I’m so glad that Kristen was there to A) verify that this actually took place and B) keep me from …

There are 292 messages in my Spam folder tonight. They range from the absurd to the offensive (not unlike Helen Thomas), but they have one thing in common: all have some of the worst headline writing of all-time! Whether it’s incoherent gibberish or just horrible grammar, spam is the train wreck of the written word. I’m horrified, but I can’t look away.
So, here is a sampling of today’s spam:

Interesting things happen when you get your haircut. Sara cut my hair today. Then she showed me a video of her husband’s bird dancing while he performed an original rap tune. I encouraged her to put it on YouTube -not necessarily for the artistic quality as much as the novelty of a bird grooving to a wannabe Eminem.  This isn’t the first peculiar thing I’ve experienced at this particular place of business. And that’s why I keep going back. Somewhere between the magazines and the shampoo, a story will unfold.